Friday, June 27, 2008

Halfway There eh...

So as exams end, we close half the chapter of our lives this year. As we await the coming of our results, I shall entertain you people for a minute or so.

I was having a little chat with my friends last night and we were discussing several interesting topics while downing rum and coke (sounds like we're having an intellectual discussion eh? Seriously we are. We're serious people on alcohol.) One of the things I remembered last night was how Adelaide seemed like a village compared to Melbourne. That's not true guys. I mean besides having more trees, less concrete, buildings as high as two-storeys and buses for public transport Adelaide is a full fledged city. We have 5 minute traffic jams here with cars moving as "slow" as 40 km/hr every afternoon. People disappear from the city after 5 pm and the night life seems well.....pretty much nearly nothing. But that aside, we have cool people here in Adelaide like nigga-like Aboriginals who dresses like 50 cents. For some reason, they always seemed stoned and very often found at the back of public buses. It's strange how they could afford to be stoned anywhere and at any time of the day. Apparently they receive pension from the government. Hmmm, I wonder where all the money went. Or they probably have their own version of weed obtained from exotic roots of ancient magical trees. That explains why they are always seen chewing stuff.

Stoned, no mistake about it...Think about the kid...

Talking about stoned Aboriginals, I was approached by one 2 days back. There I was eating my fried rice with 2 of my buddies when this random Aboriginal who reeked of alcohol appeared out of no where, begging us for money. We were all reluctant to give some since the money would be better off spent on daily necessities like condoms so my friend decided to offer her some food instead since we can't finish them anyway. That mother fucking daughter-of-a-bitch declined our act of kindness and still insisted on us giving her money instead. Man that's one spoilt beggar. I don't care how handsome you claimed I am I'm still not flattered to give you any cash. Come to think of it, have you people been approached by beggars before who has a fixed rate that you have to donate? Take for instance a cancer society or child care representative who says that you MUST donate at least 5 bucks (Usually done by selling random useless stuff). I always knew they are frauds. If they are really desperate for money, what's with the fixed rate? Think about it eh.

Besides talking about the city, I have an interesting Aboriginal Story to share with all of you. All of you know what's ULURU right?


Apparently according to Aboriginals, that rock is poop left by the magical rainbow snake. I guess the magical rainbow snake was having some sort of constipation because that's one giant poop. I'm not making this up. Go search that story online if you don't believe me.

On a side note, apparently Adelaideans walk really slow. Don't blame it on us. Time seems to be on a stand still over here alright. I have to admit I'm walking a little slow too. Once in Melbourne, when I was about to board the train with Ken, Panda and Dandy when we all missed the train thanks to me. I was busy figuring out the ticket machine when the train was about to leave in 2 minutes. Ken was pretty pissed then haha. Sorry Ken, I'll buy you lunch when I see you again k. Seems like I'm infected with the Adelaide's Slow Paced Life disease.

There were a few more stuff discussed but they're pretty fuzzy in my head right now. I'll probably recall them later and post a follow up on this post if I feel like it. Until then, happy holidays.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

International Night & Battle of the Bands 08

Seems like I'm doing a monthly blog post here. The truth is I'm a really lazy writer. I don't really like penning down thoughts and most of the time my thoughts seemed to consist of nonsense all together. Anyway I'm back for another review on Lincoln's 2 best events, International Night and Battle of the Bands.

International Night is the time when all international students rejoice and party at the dining hall while being entertained by their fellow musically inclined friends. Now this a very overdue post since International Night happened on the 17th of May but I'll still write about it anyway. So at 7 pm, the curtains come down and the night begins. The weird thing about this year's international night is the dominating indian dances which for the first time managed to beat the number of jap/chinese events (and this probably because of the large number of Indians in college this year. I feel like a minority). So this year's International Night would also be known as the Curries Night 08. There were a few notable events but I volunteered as a w aiter this time so I missed out on a few events and food. Oh another change in this year's international night is the food because for the first time in many years (according to seniors), the kitchen handled the food preparation and considering how tasty and orgasmic Lincoln pasta is, I don't have my hopes very high.

So aside from the large number of Indian dances, there were a few vi deos and 2 bands which performed that night. I was in both the bands which was named Koala and the Sunshine Band and Kwok's Yok Shi Lam Fung(very hot in canto) Band. I played Crumbs by Disagree in my band and for the Kwok's band I was lead guitar for Link, a jap song. Personally I screwed up Crumbs pretty much with misplucks and really bad timing. So overall, it was a bad performance and I would really like to apologize to both Johnny and Madeline for their time up on stage.

Johnny on vocals and rhythm, Koala on Lead and Madeline on drums

Kwok's band- Lynn on violin, Ryo on piano, Koala on Lead, Madeline on Drums, Johnny on Bass and Kwok on Vocals

For the jap song, it went pretty well except for a short period of time when the guitar amp screwed up, producing some choking sound. Besides that the solo was pretty good and I pretty much hit the right notes. Well I'm not much of a musician but at least I tried and this being my second time on stage gave me a very valuable experience. There's much more room for improvement and I look forward to performing more when I have the chance.

I also starred in one of the videos produced by Sean Ashari and I have to say, he has talent for comedy scripts. The video was pretty darn good and enjoyed by everybody so I'm not going to talk much about it but instead let you guys judge for yourself. Click away:

Well that was pretty much International Night and the stuff that I've done. Next comes battle of the band which occured on the 24th of May. Tickets costs 15 bucks and I have to say it was pretty worth it since it also comes with 2 free schooners. There were 5 bands so minus the 2 schooners, we paid around 2 bucks for each band to perform. I watched 4 bands performed including Lincoln's band and they did rocked the night. The first 2 bands had so much energy that they had me jumping around especially 'When my heart stops beating' by plus 44 was played. Plus the vocals for the first band had a cape. Beat that superman.

Lincoln band was pretty good and the 4 songs played by them was The Middle by Jimmy Eat World, Learn To Fly by Foo Fighters, Torn by Natalie Imbruglie(now this song really stands out because it's a pop song) and Sweet Child O Mine by Guns and Roses. The song choices made it seem like Lincoln was heading towards the classic rock genre. Among the 4 numbers, Sweet Child O Mine was my personal favourite and the lead guitarist did a great job on his solos. In fact I felt that all 4 songs played was pretty authentic, staying close to the original song (Well done Lincoln Band). After Lincoln's band was Flinders which won Battle of The Bands (Lincoln came second) and although they came first, I felt that they don't really deserved it considering how much time they wasted getting the crowd going. I don't really give a shit about communicating with the crowd. All I want is good music and they wasted too much time during their song intervals, feeding my brain with crap and thus making me lazy to jump around anymore.

With exams looming forward I guess there isn't much time for fun anymore in the coming weeks. I wish everyone all the best for their exams especially the A-lvls people who are sitting for them at this moment. Until next month, or earlier hopefully, see you folks.

PS: I'll be doing a review on my Melbourne trip next. Sorry for it's long overdue post.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Woah, Kinky!

Oh here's a little thought that's been up in my mind for quite some time. I bet most of you know what SM is right, so I'll just jump right to the point. For those who love SM, please just land yourself in prison for the ultimate BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism quoted from wikipedia)-experience.

I mean they have free cuffs for you, They have a bad ass whip soaked in acid. Oh yeah who says that the G-spot is in your ass, it's on your ass's surface baby!

The warden says it's whippy time!

If you enjoy it rough, I bet those gay boys are ready to ride you all the way Texas style. Even when you're asleep, you might wake up the next day with a very sore ass or maybe even nipples and your prison mate naked lying next to you. It's like suspense, where every newcomer would be asking themselves "Will I get butt raped tonight?". On a bright side gay-sex or anal helps with constipation. Oh and they don't do it safe either at prisons. Condoms are just too expensive and the condom dispensers are usually situated outside the cells. SO if your partner were to bleed in your ass due to the immense friction from rubbing 2 rough surfaces (since there's no lubricant either) together for a long period of time, you might get HIV. I guess that's the only risk you'll be taking though seeking this thrill.

Looks pretty homey

So why take it to the bedroom, get it all dirty and waste loads of money on unnecessary kinky toys when you can get them all for free at.......your local prison. Thank you for reading and if you are underage, you've been a bad kid coming to this site. I'm going to tell your mom.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Of Nipple Crippler and Cupping Cocks

Guess what folks? The koala's back for a new blog post. I know I have been neglecting my blog for a while now but it's because of my transition from college to university life. Now that I've settled down I hope that I'll blog more frequent for both mine and your entertainment.

What I want to say in this post is something everybody see very often in school. Yes, it's the nipple crippler and the cock cupper. If you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, all I can say is you haven't been to school much. Nipple crippler is basically the twisting of nipples which would result in the victim having really sore and bruised nipple for a week or two if done correctly. It's hard to perfect this technique though as nipples cover a very small area of your breast and unless you have saggy fat breast, it's actually very hard to hit the nipple in your first try unless you know your victim really well or the victim doesn't mind and didn't retaliate.

I think that guy wet his pants.

Man even apes do it.

The cock cupper involves bending your fingers in the shape of a cup and slamming it into another guy's crotch. If you were to hit the right spot, it would result in the victim giving out a really loud moan or scream followed by an ejaculation. Best done when the guy's hard. Be warned though as frequent cock cuppers can actually cause a guy to lose his Father's day and yes, you do get sued for it.

Now a question that I have in mind is, why don't girls play such games. I mean you don't see girls going around nipple grippling her friends do you? I'm just curious what girls play during their high school life and if you're a female reader, do tell me as I'm sure all the male readers are curious too. Do you play boob smasher? Or maybe Unhook Bra Domination? I don't know you girls tell me. I guess I've talked too much cock for now. I have stuff that I have to be doing and so until next time, give me feedback girls and I'll write the second part of this post.

PS: How are you guys enjoying your university life? Drop a comment at my chatbox so that A-levels and Pre-U people know what they're going to expect. The only thing I can say is they don't teach much at lectures and self-study is pretty much a must if you want to pass. See you people next time!

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Koala's Quotes Of 2008

The year 2008 is still new to all of us that each time we talk about the year, we assumed that it's still 2007. I've been told off a few times now and many agreed that we won't be able to accept that it's already year 2008 until something exciting like the coming Chinese Year has passed. Well until that day has come why not enjoy some of Koala's home made quotes for the year 2008!

Quote 1: Why strip naked alone when you can earn big bucks stripping in front of the public.
Translation: We must jump at every open opportunity or we'll regret it later.

Quote 2: Why buy a vibrator when you have a banana?
Translation: We must not waste money on luxury but instead be thrifty and make your own luxury.

Quote 3: You aren't famous until you are found on a porn website.
Translation: You aren't that famous, until the world knows you.

Quote 4: Why go for one chick, when you can have many many more!
Translation: Everybody loves a large array of choices .

Quote 5: Push your limits to more than one orgasm.
Translation: One must push their limits beyond their expectations.

Quote 6: You can cheat on your lovers, as long as they don't find out!
Translation: What people don't know can't hurt them.

Quote 7: Why read this blog when you can do something more productive?
Translation: You have too much free time. Till next time ladies and gentleman, have a great break!

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

2008- Year of the Koala

I hope so haha! I find it unfair how the 12 zodiac animals does not include the koala. Oh yea, because they would be sure to win with their agility and overwhelming intelligence. You see koalas sleep because they don't want any wasted movements, making them very efficient creatures. Alright here are my new year's resolution:

1. Stop a rape.

2. Stop pornography.

3. Be a clean boy.

4. Rape rapists.

5. Streaking in KL (wanna join anybody?)

6. Molest Micheal Jackson.

7. Smuggle koalas into Malaysia.

And a few more if I have the time to think. So happy new year to all and don't go Adelaide to do your foundation when you can always do it in Taylors haha!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Koala In Sydney

Well it has been a while isn't it? After my exams I was thinking of a perfect place to chill and I thought, why not the big city Sydney? So off I flew together with my uncle johnny and aunty nicole on the 5th of December. You all must be thinking 'wah koala so rich can go Sydney wei' but before you all do any thinking, my flight ticket is only 89 bucks (one way) and I would be staying in my uncle's house all the time so not some fancy 5-star hotel shit.

I stayed there for a whooping 6 days and I must say, it was quite a good vacation. The city is big compared to small fry Adelaide and some of its suburb is already as big as Adelaide city. The main transport there is train and from the train station you could either take the bus or walk to your destination. My uncle's house is located at Turramara (pronounced Tharamara- bloody hard to pronounce names is what Sydney is famous for) and it's a good 40 minutes (30 minutes by train to the Townshall station)drive from the city. Upon arrivin g Sydney, my uncle was kind enough to give Uncle Johnny and me to his gigantic crib (aunty nicole stayed with her parents in a hotel) and due to massive traffic jam, it was an hour and a half drive to his place. By the way my uncle has this big dog (a lassie dog) which I very much fear because of the way it kept looking at my sausage and as much as I know how much it would like to yank it off it wouldn't be funny if my manhood ended then.

We put our bags down and off we went to visit the city. On th e first day, we met up with aunty nicole and her parents (plus brother john) for lunch at BBQ king. Food wasn't that fantastic but more the less edible (they serve hong kong style food). Being new to Sydney, we didn't know where the good places are so we used our very reliable city map and visited south of the city. There was this giant mall which looked very much alike Sungai Wang called Market City filled with shops with funny chinese names. It was there when I realize the greatest flaw in the Transformers movie- where the hell are the robot's genitals? Behold the true picture of Megatron, unleashing his mightiest weapon ever.

Fear me Optimus Prime!
There is IGA there too which sold chinese products and it was very much asian-like. There I saw some of the most dodgy brand ever. Apparently Planta replaced their model with a fat malay boy to please some people.

The New Age Planta

We ended our first day with dinner at aunty nicole's place where her mom cooked up a great dinner and off we went home riding the train.

Fiddy cent's home

On the second day, johnny's old school buddies- Duck and Watermelon took us on a tour around the city.

The Harbour Bridge

We went to the Rocks where we stopped for a great lunch at Pancakes on the Rocks (You must try the Beef and Pork ribs. The pancakes are also not too bad but pancakes are pancakes, can't really change the taste). After lunch, we then visited Circular Quay (pronounced circular key) and upon seeing the sea, I felt my bladder vibrating. SO folks if you have to go, you have to go.

They caught me at a bad time

The Opera House

Once I relieve myself, we then walked to the Opera House because the water taxi cost too much and you would have to dress in purple to ride them.

The Purple Groove

The Opera House well.... is an Opera House. Nothing much to describe there.

The Opera House (From left: Aunty Nicole, Uncle Johnny, Watermelon, Duck)

Wanna peek? Only 1 dollar

For dinner we went to Ramen Kan at China Town (Dixon Street) which serve pretty good japanese cuisine at a reasonable price (say below 10 bucks). After eating we realized it was way past the time for the last train and this forced me and uncle johnny to overnight at nicole's place.

The next morning, nicole and family has to drive to Canberra, leaving uncle johnny and me in the Sydney. Feeling bored, we visited the Aquarium and Wildlife Park at Darling Harbour and only paid 18 bucks for both the ticket since we had a buy one get one free voucher given by my aunty.

Johnny and me at the Darling Harbour

The Aquarium was pretty good and has a diverse range of fishes. Each time I see the fishes I always wonder if they are edible especially those big ass ones. Oh and I also learned how sea urchins defecate by asking a lady at the touch pool. The Wildlife Park was apparently pretty new and has only a few kinds of animals (more to those native animals like koalas, kangaroos, possum). Over there I learned how snakes mated and that you would have to probe their private parts to find their genitals. Man I can't believe I learned so much in one day. I wanted to tickle the koalas' ass but you would have to pay to touch them. The day ended with uncle bringing us to fine dining at Olio (it was at North Sydney I think) and a movie- The Hills Have Eyes 2 ( it's about ugly guys raping pretty girls) at home.

On Saturday, uncle brought us to Manly beach (initially the plan was Blue Mountain but we felt it was sort of like an old man's trip and there wouldn't be babes up there). It was a pretty good beach with pretty babes running left and right and muscular man with tight trunks (Uncle said Bondi was good too but we didn't have time to visit both). It was pretty difficult for me to babe watch since I didn't have sunnies and worse still I had to squint due to the sun shinning right in my face, making me look like a pervert which I know most of you know I'm not.

At Manly

Me and my uncle at Manly

Climbing Mountains

Nothing much happened after the beach trip I guess if my memory serves me well because Big Man Foo arrived in Sydney too late (we were supposed to have dinner with him).

Sunday was pretty chilling since we decided to stay in and just well, chill. Uncle brought us to some Malaysian restaurant for lunch which we planned to treat him but failed miserably because he was just too quick. In the afternoon we went to DFO where we bought a few cheap clothes (Fucuk or FCUK t-shirt for only 10 bucks etc). DFO or Direct Factory Outlet is according to Johnny a place where you can get cheap clothes because the fashion arrives a little late (behind by one fashion). At night uncle and aunty had to attend some dinner so we were left at home to chill. We watched a movie (The Mimic- some giant bug show) and ate pizza for dinner.

My kind of desert

On Monday Johnny wanted to go back to Pancakes on the Rocks to savour the ribs once more which we did and did a little bit more shopping at George Street. We also bought Krispy Kreme back for my uncle and his family and wine (red wine and port) as a token of gratitude. We flew back the next day and thus marked the end of our Sydney Trip.

Krispy Kreme on George Street near Wynerd Station

PS. Thanks uncle and aunty for the great time. On a side note, I have to say Sydney has a lot of BAR (Bastards on Road) and rude China Apeks so those of you who want to visit Sydney, keep this in mind and don't mind those bitches. This is the Koala wishing you all a very good holiday and remember to play safe- use Durex.